This week has been crazy, there have been a lot of things going on and my mind has just been blown this week. It never fails that when I lose my focus, God knows exactly how to bring me back in. Something happened this week that made me have a lot of second thoughts, doubts, and regrets about a certain decision that I had made in the past. After last night, I realized that all of these thoughts I was having about this specific situation were jealousy. I was jealous because I felt like I had missed an opportunity and may never get it back. The problem is that I don't even know if I want it back, in reality I just think I didn't want this person, but I didn't want this person to be with anyone else either. Selfish. Trust me I know how selfish that is. I was jealous that he seemed to have moved on into a new relationship and that I had not. Not to say that I haven't moved on from the situation, but I hadn't started a new relationship. Which brings me to another point of why this week has been so hard. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Some days I am very content in my single hood and other days I am not. This week has been filled with days of sadness, and longing for my husband. Last night, I sat everything else aside, and just made my focus on my relationship with Christ. I have so much to be thankful for, but yet I am dwelling on the things that I don't have-am I crazy? Obviously. It is like Pastor Reggie said last night, "We are thankful. but we are thankful for the wrong thing." Amen to that. So I have come to the realization that jealousy is the root of evil and I need to get that out of my life and began to learn how to be humble through Christ. The two things that I need to work on the most is to stop judging, and stop blaming. These are two of the ways that I can begin to humble myself and then at the proper time, when I have the proper attitude God will provide me with the things I need, such as a husband. In time, that is what I need to learn. I am so tired of waiting, but I just need to hold on a little bit longer and know that when I have humbled myself before the Lord everything else is going to fall into place.
Winter, I am so sorry you have had a rough week! God will give you a man one day who will love you through and through! You are an amazing woman, and he is not finished teaching you things that you have to learn on your own two feet. When he provides you with a second set (a husband) then you will know it is time time lean on eachother and then, God will put you through trials with your husband and it is there you learn to lean on eachother for balance! I know it can be lonely but keep your head up and your knees on the ground I have faith that He will provide for you! And you wont know a more purer love than that! I love you so much and we indeed need to get lunch one friday or dinner one weekday! Lemme know :) Love you xoxo
ReplyDeleteGirl I will be praying for you. I know how that feels and it is SO hard sometimes. Especially now that we're getting older & it seems like everyone we know is getting married, even those younger than us! Just know that God would never NOT provide, so be patient. That's what I have to tell myself at times as well. I have some great quotes that I plastered around me everywhere when I was going through this season. If you want, I can send them to you.
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